Resistance of this Heart
The theme of Chobimela III was Resistance… And I finally understand the significance of it…
When you go outside of your comfort zone and see the world for what it is, see the way other people live and think… you realize that there is just so much that you never knew existed… Things you may like or dislike… Things you may agree or disagree with… It’s when you see all this that you start to understand who you really are and what you really think…
I’m a good girl by stereotypical standards… I’m a pious Christian girl… I go to church, I pray every night… I don’t smoke, or drink or club… I don’t have piercings or tattoos… I never even had dyed hair because I know my mother loves my black hair… And in fact, I consider black a lovely colour for hair…
I hold very strongly to the Christian values that I have learnt from church and from the relationship I have with God… I believe in the sanctity of marriage (which means, no sex before marriage), in the miracle of childbirth (no abortion… give the child for adoption!), in the truth of the Creation written in the bible (God made Man & Woman… There’s nothing in between), in not bringing harm to my body with cigarettes or alcohol, honouring my parents and being submissive to authority (like our government)…
Some people might look at me and call me conservative, prudish, naïve, simple minded… Not harsh words… but not the most kindly or friendly names either… especially in the manner in which these words are spoke… It seems a taboo to be good… Everyone wants to rebel… To be different… To stand out of the crowd… Make their voices heard… Protest… Strike… Everyone wants to satisfy themselves… Think about themselves first…their image… their whims & fancies… their self-worth… their dignity… their rights…
There’s nothing wrong with them… But here’s news for you… I don’t do what they do… And I AM different…
You might be thinking… You are kidding! How can you be different? You are exactly what society wants!
Yes… That’s true… In some sense, I’m exactly what people expect me to be… But even that has been a conscious choice on my part… I chose to be the daughter that my parents can be happy with… I chose to be the good girl… And that is different because everyone else is effectively trying to do opposite!
I just spent an evening watching “Sex and the City” on DVD with Arabella, Diya, Jessica and Shalini… And I was very disturbed… I cannot accept homosexuality as a norm… Nor can I accept sexual promiscuity… I have nothing against people who live that way… but I cannot accept their lifestyle…
Arabella, who has two kids and lives with their father Peter, is not in anyway married to Peter even though she lives as his wife and mother to the kids… It’s a form of resistance of the social construct of marriage… She said she just wasn’t the marrying kind… While I respect their commitment to each other, I can’t understand it… I believe God gave the marriage covenant to us… It’s not something for us to rebel against or to reject… It’s a gift…
Someone once told me that since I was living away from home, I should be more free and independent… Relish the feeling of being away from parents and the rules of home… Try out new things and experience a different kind of life… But instead of being drawn to the things that I’ve never done before… I’m finding myself wanting even more to hang on to my values, my beliefs and my faith…
Am I too scared or too cautious to try something new?
Well, I’m living on my own in a whole new country for six whole months on my own decision, a country where everything is different from Singapore, where people hardly speak English… I think that ought to earn me some points for courage to try new things… There are just some things that I don’t need to try to know I don’t want it…
Take smoking for instance… My colleagues in Drik were amazed that I never smoked…I even had to bare my teeth to Syeed to convince him I was a non-smoker… (The teeth thing worked…) Rajib & Syeed kept telling me I should try the taste to know how it felt and perhaps I would like it… I turned them down flat… I said… I don’t need to try… I would never consider picking up the habit… They knew how serious I was about it when they also heard I never drink… (Drinking is illegal for the locals, so they were asking me how I could get used to not having beer around… I told them, the same way I always get around… without beer ever…)
It does hurt to be stereotyped as a goody-two-shoes… I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences and hurts… To be brushed aside as a person who has not seen the “big bad world” just because I’m the youngest in my family or because I’m a Christian… It really isn’t very fair… Out of the five girls staying here, I’m the most conservative… And that makes me feel like an oddball at times… I’m more conservative than a mother of two! But I refuse to compromise in favour of fitting in…
People can resist the world and all the bad things it represents… But I’ll do my own kind of resistance… Resisting the urge to be a rebel like the rest of my generation… I’m a good girl… And I’m not afraid to admit it… =)
When you go outside of your comfort zone and see the world for what it is, see the way other people live and think… you realize that there is just so much that you never knew existed… Things you may like or dislike… Things you may agree or disagree with… It’s when you see all this that you start to understand who you really are and what you really think…
I’m a good girl by stereotypical standards… I’m a pious Christian girl… I go to church, I pray every night… I don’t smoke, or drink or club… I don’t have piercings or tattoos… I never even had dyed hair because I know my mother loves my black hair… And in fact, I consider black a lovely colour for hair…
I hold very strongly to the Christian values that I have learnt from church and from the relationship I have with God… I believe in the sanctity of marriage (which means, no sex before marriage), in the miracle of childbirth (no abortion… give the child for adoption!), in the truth of the Creation written in the bible (God made Man & Woman… There’s nothing in between), in not bringing harm to my body with cigarettes or alcohol, honouring my parents and being submissive to authority (like our government)…
Some people might look at me and call me conservative, prudish, naïve, simple minded… Not harsh words… but not the most kindly or friendly names either… especially in the manner in which these words are spoke… It seems a taboo to be good… Everyone wants to rebel… To be different… To stand out of the crowd… Make their voices heard… Protest… Strike… Everyone wants to satisfy themselves… Think about themselves first…their image… their whims & fancies… their self-worth… their dignity… their rights…
There’s nothing wrong with them… But here’s news for you… I don’t do what they do… And I AM different…
You might be thinking… You are kidding! How can you be different? You are exactly what society wants!
Yes… That’s true… In some sense, I’m exactly what people expect me to be… But even that has been a conscious choice on my part… I chose to be the daughter that my parents can be happy with… I chose to be the good girl… And that is different because everyone else is effectively trying to do opposite!
I just spent an evening watching “Sex and the City” on DVD with Arabella, Diya, Jessica and Shalini… And I was very disturbed… I cannot accept homosexuality as a norm… Nor can I accept sexual promiscuity… I have nothing against people who live that way… but I cannot accept their lifestyle…
Arabella, who has two kids and lives with their father Peter, is not in anyway married to Peter even though she lives as his wife and mother to the kids… It’s a form of resistance of the social construct of marriage… She said she just wasn’t the marrying kind… While I respect their commitment to each other, I can’t understand it… I believe God gave the marriage covenant to us… It’s not something for us to rebel against or to reject… It’s a gift…
Someone once told me that since I was living away from home, I should be more free and independent… Relish the feeling of being away from parents and the rules of home… Try out new things and experience a different kind of life… But instead of being drawn to the things that I’ve never done before… I’m finding myself wanting even more to hang on to my values, my beliefs and my faith…
Am I too scared or too cautious to try something new?
Well, I’m living on my own in a whole new country for six whole months on my own decision, a country where everything is different from Singapore, where people hardly speak English… I think that ought to earn me some points for courage to try new things… There are just some things that I don’t need to try to know I don’t want it…
Take smoking for instance… My colleagues in Drik were amazed that I never smoked…I even had to bare my teeth to Syeed to convince him I was a non-smoker… (The teeth thing worked…) Rajib & Syeed kept telling me I should try the taste to know how it felt and perhaps I would like it… I turned them down flat… I said… I don’t need to try… I would never consider picking up the habit… They knew how serious I was about it when they also heard I never drink… (Drinking is illegal for the locals, so they were asking me how I could get used to not having beer around… I told them, the same way I always get around… without beer ever…)
It does hurt to be stereotyped as a goody-two-shoes… I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences and hurts… To be brushed aside as a person who has not seen the “big bad world” just because I’m the youngest in my family or because I’m a Christian… It really isn’t very fair… Out of the five girls staying here, I’m the most conservative… And that makes me feel like an oddball at times… I’m more conservative than a mother of two! But I refuse to compromise in favour of fitting in…
People can resist the world and all the bad things it represents… But I’ll do my own kind of resistance… Resisting the urge to be a rebel like the rest of my generation… I’m a good girl… And I’m not afraid to admit it… =)
posted by thebemusedphotog @ 8:45 AM
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