Friday, December 31, 2004

The very beginning of it all...

It's a strange feeling... In a few hours time, I would be going to a new place... to start a new life... to explore a new place... to experience something beyond my wildest imaginings...

I'm going to Dhaka, Bangladesh to live and work for 6 months.

Think I never ever expected myself to do something like this... I was always so comfortable with where I was and how I lived my life... I didn't even want to go on exchange because I would have to celebrate my birthday overseas... My greatest worries in life were things like "how to maintain my careless lifestyle when i finished school"... (My close friends have been on my case for being so lazy...)

This is how it all started..

This overseas thing is an internship. I'd tried to get one in Singapore...Mostly research firms.
Not by choice, but because of the lack of opportunities. (I'm a research student by allocation. So all the production companies did not offer me production internships.) Anyway, I didn't get anything. Applied for 3 companies, went for 2 interviews, didn't get a single 1. Then I spoke with my lecturer. He said that he had the contacts for an internship company in Bangladesh, asked me if i wanted to go. He tot it would be a great experience for me.

I went back to pray and ask God whether I should go... God was quite firm in saying "YES'. I was surprised! He never does that any other time... Everytime I prayed "it's ok.. You don't have to say yes.." I felt uneasy... God was telling me "Go"...

I wasn't convinced. Had to ask my leader. Told God that if He wanted me to go... Then let my leader give me the green light. Normally she's really strict with me... Like my conscience or something... Even she wanted me to go!! No hesitation!
Believe me, it's never happened before...

At home, my dad and sisters tot it was a great idea. Mum wasn't quite so keen... Took a whole lot more praying and asking God to be sure that this is what He really wanted... Took even more family conferences to be sure that this is what I wanted... At one point, I started considering other options like Sri Lanka & India (more of my lecturer's contacts). But I finally decided to go to Bangladesh...

The preparation was gruelling... Had to settle documents and medical checkups with the school...get visa (it took such a long time!)...get air tix...get vaccinations (I took 4!)... pack (oh man, the whole family was involved with that one)...

Then the tsunamis came and went... 80000 ppl lost their lives... A large part of them were in Sri Lanka... 2 ppl died in Bangladesh... Panic swept the region & hit home hard... My mum started panicking... But my sister prayed... She felt that God had protected Bangladesh and left that door open for me... So that I could go... (Disclaimer: this does not mean I am in anyway gloating about Sri Lanka or Acheh... My heart and prayers still goes out to those who have lost their families, lives and homes...) It was just an indication to her that this was God's plan for me...

Now, it's gonna happen... I'm leaving behind my home, my loved ones, and all things familiar to me...

But it feels different... It's not so scary anymore... Not so unbelievable...God had started to put acceptance and anticipation into my heart... I know it's gonna be difficult for a pampered little girl to live in a harsh place like Bangladesh... where crime and poverty actually exists... But I know that my family's love (& prayers from da jie) will be with me... And I know, that since it was God's idea for me to go... He'll take care of me...

I feel that God wants to change me in this 6 months... To grow up, to grow strong, and to learn to trust Him no matter what situations come up... To learn to relate to different people, and to be a more accepting, forgiving and loving person as a whole... Of cos there's more that I can't imagine now... Just got to wait and see...

Wonder how I'd turn out after 6 months...

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Always a first time for everything...

I hate blogs... Always thought they were pathetic excuses for people to feel important about themselves and their thoughts... I mean... Why do you wanna sun your dirty laundry in public?

So you ask... Why sell out now?

I don't know...
Maybe because Ivan posts really cool poems on his....
Maybe because Mich revamped hers and it looks way cool...
Maybe because I actually like writing but I can't find another place for it...(typing is easier)
Maybe because I'm going away to Bangladesh and EVERYONE wants to know what happens to me there....
Maybe also because I discovered I can have a blog that no one actually sees... How cool is that?

So for all these reasons... lame or otherwise (you decide)... I finally got myself a blog...
If my pride ever dogs me hard enough about selling out, you'll know... Cos i'd never write another post ever again...

Last question... What's "whitefairblessed" supposed to mean?

It's the meaning of my christian name "Gwyneth"...
A female variant of the name "Gwynedd"...
which is derived from the Welsh word "gwyn" meaning "white, fair, blessed"...

There's another meaning to my name...(If you're interested)
A derivation from the Welsh word "gwynaeth"


It means "happiness"....