Stealing a moment….
Time: 5.57am
State of Mind: Half Asleep
Reason for getting up at such a ridiculous time: To shoot the Buriganga River
There’s been a lot of silence around here… Which might be good for some Heart readers who say that this blog is more like a shout than a whisper… But for others, it’s a worrying sign… (I’m not saying that I’m in trouble... I’m saying that some people might get worried… Since I usually blog very regularly)
Don’t Worry.
I’m not blogging so often because I’m no longer a slacker! I actually have assignments to do and a report to work on… As much as I would like to blog on a lot of things, there just isn’t much time for it… I will try to of cos… there are some topics I have in mind… (Think blogging everything I do collectively in themed entries is more efficient... Keep a look out ya!)
This assignment is a part of Jack Picone’s Photojournalism Workshop which ends today… Assignment is to take 5 pictures of the Buriganga River… We’ve spent the last two days taking pictures there… Then printing the pictures for Jack to review and evaluate… I used up 6 rolls… (Yup… This workshop is very costly…)
Before my evaluation yesterday, I was really stressed out… I was afraid that I’d do badly or that my pictures wouldn’t come out in time… But Jack was very encouraging…
Of the five pictures I chose, Jack chose 2 and asked me to reshoot the rest… It’s not a bad thing… That’s what happens to everyone… There were some who had all 5 pictures chosen from their first lot… But there were others whose pictures didn’t get chosen… That’s the whole point of the exercise… To try to improve our pictures…
Thing about taking pictures outdoors, is you only get the best light in the evening and in the morning… That’s why everyone’s been getting up early and staying out late at the river… I prefer taking pictures in the evening… But yesterday, the evaluation ended too late and there was no time for anyone to go in the evening… I was forced to make this morning trip…
I seldom wake up so early… The only time I remember being up at this time was the first night I was here… I spent the entire night up unpacking… The whole place is very peaceful and quiet at this time… I stood on the roof and looked out onto the streets… There were some CNGs and rickshaws on the road already… The drivers must be freezing!
So right now, I’m waiting in my room for my group mates to come by and go down to the river together… They’re 30 mins late already… So much for wanting to leave here at 5.30am… Oh well… I’m giving them a call…
Window of R & R
How does one start on a topic like this? Ok... I got it...
I'm slacking now...
I know it's not much of a surprise or anything... but actually, it's a very calculated period of rest... Allow me to explain...
The photography workshop with Jack Picone started yesterday... He showed us his work on the AIDS patients in Thailand, a very stigmatized group of people... After that presentation, he gave us our first assignment... Take 5 images of the Buriganga River... My group, consisting of Bjorn and Kakoli, went down at about 3 to take a look at the surroundings and start taking pictures... We spend the whole afternoon and evening there... Only reached back at Pathshala at 8.30pm... I sent my film for processing and was contemplating going down to the river in the morning before 6am and again at 3pm...
But I decided not to go in the morning...
For several reasons... (besides not wanting to wake up so early)
My first trip down to the river had not been a very successful one... I had taken a lot of pictures... 4 rolls to be exact... But I didn't know what to expect or what my story was going to be about... I felt I needed time to regroup... Get back my negatives from Chitroshala... Look at what I had taken and where I want to go from there...
My group was not going to the river together... So if I were to go down, I would be joining people from other groups... That would not be much of a problem but the river is very long and those groups might not be going to the same places I went to take pictures... It would be an opportunity for me to see more of the river... But I wasn't sure I wanted that... It would be another trip of discovery just like the previous trip... And it would be a waste of even more film and would tire me out for the trip down to the river in the evening...
I wasn't comfortable with the camera I used yesterday... I borrowed a camera from Pathshala... It was quite ok but I was not familiar with it... So I decided I wanted to use my own camera... The lens came back just fine! I just needed to borrow a filter from Topu...(I can't buy it because of the hartal...) and he could only be able to bring it down to Pathshala at about noon...
Then there are the advantages of not going in the morning...
There's more time to shoot in the evenings... Hopefully, with time to look at my pictures, I'd be better organised for my second trip... I wouldn't be so tired too... And of cos, with the free time I have now... I can blog, check my emails, iron my new tops, and do the research for my reportage... With opportunity costs like that, staying in today was the obvious choice...
Yeah I know... I'm a lazy bugger... "Allosh"
Awakening the Photojournalist… (Sort of)
At breakfast, I spoke with Arabella about my story ideas and how I was worried that they weren’t very interesting… She got me to talk out my interests and we came up with a great story idea! It’s about charities and charity schools that are set up by locals for the locals… My focus will be on the individuals who set up these organizations and why they did it… It’s a break from the common misconception that charity work is only done by foreigners and NGOs… We pitched our story ideas to the local newspaper New Age and the editor liked my story idea! I even got some contacts… So the story is on its way! Such a relief….
The workshop is starting tomorrow…I’m quite worried cos I dropped my camera and the filter cracked and got jammed into the lens housing… The lens itself doesn’t look chipped in any way… The filter broke the fall of the lens… Thank God! It does mean that I won’t be able to use my own lens for my morning workshop assignments… Good thing I have the telephoto lens from Abir to use… So I just have to stand very far away from my subjects until Moti helps me get my lens fixed… Not a great way to start a photography workshop… But it isn’t the worst way either… At least the lens is safe…
I said it once and I’m gonna say it again… I’m glad I made frens with the Pathshala students… With their help, I can go to all the the places I didn’t and couldn’t go on my own…
After the trip down to the newspaper… I went shopping! I know I’m supposed to work on the story… But the Hartal is coming on Thursday and I didn’t want to waste the precious days when the shops were open… I hired Topu as my tour guide and we went down to New Elephant Road to take a look at the things there… I didn’t spend much time there because I was overwhelmed by the large number of shops in the shopping centres… It happens to me a lot… We ended going into individual shops… I bought two new tops! One is dark green and the other is purple… Now I’m two tops closer to assimilating into the culture…
Topu also invited us to a wedding dinner that he had to attend... We were all terribly underdressed... But it was quite nostalgic... Cos it was held in a Chinese restaurant.. Just like back home! I was just worried about was stealing the limelight from the Bride.. Everyone was staring at our Asian faces... sheesh...
Before the end of tomorrow, I’m going to do some more shopping… Maybe at New Market, where I’ve never been before… I won’t be just shopping for clothes… (Although that is high up on the agenda…) But I’d also be looking for the lovely handmade jewellery and bags, and for the local musical instruments as well… So what if I already own a bracelet, a nice pendant and a flute? A girl can always use more accessories… =)
Pooped out Gwen speaking
Just in case my parents, or other people who don’t understand, get really upset reading the title… “Pooped out” just means “really tired”…
It’s confirmed… Jess & I are taking part in the whole month long program… Not just the workshop… That means that we get to go on excursions with the students and go sightseeing… It also means we have to do a photostory… It’s what I came here to do really… But then, I’ve never been confident of my photography skills or my journalistic skills… And the whole thing is stressing me out… I can’t think of a good story idea… One that can be done 2 weeks and has visuals… Panic!
I got a few stories but they are very vague…I need time to think it all through and get some specifics… 1) Foreigners who choose to live in Bangladesh… Why they want to do it and how they live… 2) Street Children… Learn about their backgrounds and what they do to survive and to have fun… 3) The educational system… How students like it… And what are the opportunities that are lacking for the poor... 4) Middle classes… How do all of them live… If anyone has any suggestions, let me know… I’m gonna need all the help I can get… I’m supposed to promote the stories to a newspaper or publication… Help!
Back to my being tired… I woke up at my usual time to go to Drik… Which really wasn’t enough… Only got 6 hours… But I dragged myself up… I went with Jess to Drik to drop off her parcel (which she is sending to her bf back home)… Said a few words to my people at Publications & of cos my dear friends in Multimedia… Then we came back to Pathshala… We weren’t sure if the Big Boss wanted us to go for the whole workshop or just a portion of it and we wanted to check… We attended the morning talk and it was really up to us! So we decided to go for it!
That’s when we had to present our story ideas… We had to think of them on the spot… Later on, we discussed the story ideas with our groups and that’s when I started worrying that the stories weren’t visual enough… I can get some contacts from Topu but I’m just not sure what I want to do…
After the discussion, it was sightseeing once again… But first, we went to Drik Café for lunch… Of all the places! Good grief… I met my dear Multimedia guys there and joined them for lunch… Syeed says they’ll both miss me when I don’t come for work… Haha! I feel bad about the Norwegians though… They never eat spicy food and that’s all you get in Dhaka… Save for the fast food joints and fancy restaurants… Think they didn’t quite enjoy their lunch at the café…
We went back to Lalbagh Fort Museum and this time, it was open… The grounds are really huge! It was used by the Moghuls… There was a bathhouse, a burial house and a few more buildings but I have no idea what they were used for… It was very tranquil…
Lots of people go there with their families to relax… Kind of like a park… All the children kept staring at us and walking around us… They saw our cameras and wanted their pictures to be taken… I took a few pictures… I couldn’t help it… Some of them were very endearing!
We also saw a little boy being forced to do squats by a security guard… Apparently the boy was caught picking flowers and as punishment, he had to do a hundred squats! Ouch… That must hurt…
Topu bought a very nice sweet made from coconuts… They were little flakes dipped in sugar… Perhaps actual flakes from coconuts… I don’t know but I really liked that sweet…
When I was taking in the whole surroundings, the Islamic worship song started playing… With the hypnotic music, and the whole Islamic surroundings, it was just so apt… It’s something you can’t take away with pictures or a video… It was different from any other place I’ve been to… The museum actually had some China porcelain plates and vases… I recognized the prints from when I went to China… But otherwise there’s nothing about this place that is similar to other places/countries…
After the Fort museum, we went to a Hindu temple nearby… It had a sculpture of a Hindu story in the centre of it… The sculptures were caged up to prevent people from damaging or stealing it… One of the characters… the villain… looked exactly like Malu! (Mind you, I wasn’t even the one who said it… Topu was… And he’s good friends with Malu!)
We went back to Pathshala…
It may not have sounded like I did a lot, but I was really tired already… Talking to Topu is exhausting when I keep having to decipher what he's saying in Bengali... On top of that, it was not even the end of the evening… I had agreed to go shopping with the Norwegian girls but I remembered that I had a dinner appointment… Abir had invited over to his place for dinner!! Yup… I promised the girls I would join them another time…
Strangely, I felt I would be wasting my evening if I didn’t go out and do something before dinner…The hartal had just ended and the shops were finally opening up after 3 days… I went out on my own to get my negatives scanned… It isn’t very far… Just down Mirpur road… I rather liked going around on my own… I mean, I know I’d be able to take care of myself…But I’m not too sure if I can take care of other people… I sent the negatives in and took a rickshaw back on my own… No problem at all! Shomosha na!
At “sharey shat ta” or 7.30pm, Abir came to pick us up and go to his place… His place is slightly bigger than most of the other houses we’ve been to… He and his family stays with his parents and some of his brothers… His son Nil is so cute! Nil is very obedient… When I asked him to come, he came and sat on my lap… I could ask him for his age and for his name… So proud of myself…
There was so much food again! There was 3 beef dishes, 1 fish dish, 1 chicken dish, chicken salad and a lot of dessert as usual… There was even chocolate cake and Doy (the nice curd thing from Topu’s home… Abir says we can get it from any sweet shop… yes!)
We seriously over-ate and tried to make up for it by eating some strange leaves with some small seeds… The taste was really strong and I choked on it… Diya & Jess couldn’t take it too… We all spat it out… with Abir’s wife’s permission of cos… She found it very amusing… our choking and screwed up faces…
When we’d finally been stuffed to the brim with food and dessert, we headed back to Pathshala… There’s actually another place to go after dinner… The Norwegian students were going out to someplace that I don’t know of… I wanted to go and just see what the place is like…But I was so tired I knew my body would never forgive for it… Since I still had to wake up early the next day…
So here I am, writing my blog in my room… Listening to Michael W. Smith’s “Worship”… I’m going to bathe and do my time alone with God… Then it’s a long conversation with my pillow… ZzzZzz…
Invasion of the Norwegians!
Today, the routine and monotony of Drik & Pathshala was broken by the arrival of the 15+ exchange students from Oslo University, Norway… They came to take part in a month long photojournalism workshop together with the Pathshala students… 4 days of which Jess & I have the privilege to participate in…
They had arrived the day before and were living at Ambrosia…A guesthouse further down Mirpur Road… We never saw them since we were at work and most of them were horribly jetlagged…
I had no idea how much damage they would do to us…
Jessica and I took off midway thru work to attend the welcome talk under the Big Boss’ invitation… We were expecting to go back to work as soon as it was over… But once we got there, we never went back to Drik (to work at least)… We got grouped into groups with the Norwegians and the Pathshala students and went sightseeing!!
There were six in my group… I was the only girl… Topu (not the usual one from Drik… Another one…), Ovid (also a Pathshala guy), Bjorn (pronounced Byeurn… Almost as bad as Gwen for the locals), Ivan (pronounced E-vahn), Eivince (pronounced I-vince)… Yup… Norwegian names are a real killer…
I found it quite easy to talk to Bjorn because he’s only slightly more than a year older than me… (He’s just turned 23 and I’m gonna be 22 soon)… He has a strange impression that I know a lot of Bangla and everytime Topu says something, he expects me to understand it… But seriously, all I did was bring him around Drik and get him some bottled water from Drik mini store…
Ok, he was around when I spoke a little Bangla to my boss… He (my boss) was lying about his mother being Norwegian as an explanation for his knowledge of the Norwegian language… He just spent a year in Norway… That’s all… So, I called my boss a “mitabadi” (liar)… My boss was pleasantly surprised and he thinks I’m turning into a Bengali…
The other person I really enjoyed talking to, in the group, was Topu… He’s 24 and is as friendly and funny as the Drik Topu…haha! He was our ‘tour guide’ and brought us to a few different places… He’s very friendly to the stranger kids and even went to join them in playing cricket! I thought that was really sweet… I really wish I knew what the kids are saying in Bangla… That’s my goal… All the kids speak better Bengali than me!!
So, everytime Topu says something in Bengali, I’d ask him to translate it… Or I’d think of something I want to learn and ask him for the translation… On one rickshaw ride where I was with Topu, the rickshaw driver could understand a bit of English and started to ask Topu to translate what we were saying into Bengali… The opposite of what I was asking for! Bengali to English translation… It was cool! That rickshaw driver could explain to me in English that “Bhalo Achi” is “I’m fine”! Wow!
Topu’s quite “ollosh” (lazy)… So he very quickly picked up my boss’ trick of speaking to me nonchalantly in Bengali… no translation… Pretty annoying but funny… I tried to explain that I couldn’t speak Bengali… But he asked me “ki bhalo na” (what’s not good?)… it’s the whole irony of telling people that you can’t speak Bengali in Bengali… “ami Bangla bolte pari na”… I say it so often that I actually sound fluent saying it!
Ok… Enough of my Bangla antics… There’s really a lot more… Like how I started telling little stranger girls and boys that they look pretty… And how I bought peanuts from a little boy for Tk3… Topu bargained it down from Tk4… But I shall not get into that… Even though the Norwegians were totally impressed! (They’re gonna realize how silly that is when they learn to do it themselves…)
We saw so much today!
We went to the Jatiya Sriti Saudha or the National Martyrs Memorial… The journey there was very nice… We took rickshaws there… 2 to 1 rickshaw… We went pass the older and more primitive parts of Dhaka… There were old shophouses… and when we approached the river, we saw paddy fields and brick factories on one side, and people’s simple housing on the other side… The view was breathtaking… (Sidetrack: It’s very strange when 6 people walk around with cameras at hand… We attracted so much attention! A lot, and I mean a lot, of people stared at us…Good thing it was in an open place so they didn’t congregate around us… They just stood near us, hoping to have their pictures taken…)
The memorial was a simple brick structure next to the Bangsi River… The memorial was small and simple… But the River was gorgeous! I would love to tell you that the waters were crystal blue turquoise... But I would be lying through my teeth… The water was black and polluted… Not helped by the residents and tourists who throw their rubbish overboard... We paid Tk200 in total to hire a boat to ride down the river… Just the six of us! Quite a good bargain… The ride was so cooling and nice… We saw three kids rowing a boat and one of the kids was flying a kite! Everytime we saw people in other boats or on the shore, we’d wave and smile at them… And take their pictures… Think they loved it… The boat ride lasted one pleasant hour…
After that, we took a rickshaw to old Dhaka to find the Fort Museum… But we got there too late and it was closed… On the way back, I saw the New Market… I really want to go there sometime to shop… But that plan is being hampered by the silly 60hr Hartal that started yesterday… And the next upcoming one that will be from 2 Feb to 7 Feb… Disgusting…
Oh yeah… Topu introduced me to a small fruit sold on the streets… It looks like a cherry but it’s dipped in some salt and tastes a bit sweet and a bit bitter… Can’t remember the name… Maybe Az can help again… I only had one… I gave the rest back to Topu…
The day was ended with a very nice dinner party thrown here in Pathshala… We had chapattis and kebabs! Very nice… But the chapattis were really filling…
Although Jess & I are not sure what’s going to happen next, since we only get to attend certain programs of the whole exchange, but things have been shaken up already… We’ve gotten out of Mirpur Road and Dhanmondi… We got to know new people from Pathshala and Norway… I think we’ll be busy with the workshop (for which we are going to need to submit our portfolios…) and our proposals… But when it’s offday or after work, we now have new tour guides (meaning the students) to bring us out!
I can hardly wait to see what February is going to bring… Besides the silly 6 day hartal of cos…
Resistance of this Heart
The theme of Chobimela III was Resistance… And I finally understand the significance of it…
When you go outside of your comfort zone and see the world for what it is, see the way other people live and think… you realize that there is just so much that you never knew existed… Things you may like or dislike… Things you may agree or disagree with… It’s when you see all this that you start to understand who you really are and what you really think…
I’m a good girl by stereotypical standards… I’m a pious Christian girl… I go to church, I pray every night… I don’t smoke, or drink or club… I don’t have piercings or tattoos… I never even had dyed hair because I know my mother loves my black hair… And in fact, I consider black a lovely colour for hair…
I hold very strongly to the Christian values that I have learnt from church and from the relationship I have with God… I believe in the sanctity of marriage (which means, no sex before marriage), in the miracle of childbirth (no abortion… give the child for adoption!), in the truth of the Creation written in the bible (God made Man & Woman… There’s nothing in between), in not bringing harm to my body with cigarettes or alcohol, honouring my parents and being submissive to authority (like our government)…
Some people might look at me and call me conservative, prudish, naïve, simple minded… Not harsh words… but not the most kindly or friendly names either… especially in the manner in which these words are spoke… It seems a taboo to be good… Everyone wants to rebel… To be different… To stand out of the crowd… Make their voices heard… Protest… Strike… Everyone wants to satisfy themselves… Think about themselves first…their image… their whims & fancies… their self-worth… their dignity… their rights…
There’s nothing wrong with them… But here’s news for you… I don’t do what they do… And I AM different…
You might be thinking… You are kidding! How can you be different? You are exactly what society wants!
Yes… That’s true… In some sense, I’m exactly what people expect me to be… But even that has been a conscious choice on my part… I chose to be the daughter that my parents can be happy with… I chose to be the good girl… And that is different because everyone else is effectively trying to do opposite!
I just spent an evening watching “Sex and the City” on DVD with Arabella, Diya, Jessica and Shalini… And I was very disturbed… I cannot accept homosexuality as a norm… Nor can I accept sexual promiscuity… I have nothing against people who live that way… but I cannot accept their lifestyle…
Arabella, who has two kids and lives with their father Peter, is not in anyway married to Peter even though she lives as his wife and mother to the kids… It’s a form of resistance of the social construct of marriage… She said she just wasn’t the marrying kind… While I respect their commitment to each other, I can’t understand it… I believe God gave the marriage covenant to us… It’s not something for us to rebel against or to reject… It’s a gift…
Someone once told me that since I was living away from home, I should be more free and independent… Relish the feeling of being away from parents and the rules of home… Try out new things and experience a different kind of life… But instead of being drawn to the things that I’ve never done before… I’m finding myself wanting even more to hang on to my values, my beliefs and my faith…
Am I too scared or too cautious to try something new?
Well, I’m living on my own in a whole new country for six whole months on my own decision, a country where everything is different from Singapore, where people hardly speak English… I think that ought to earn me some points for courage to try new things… There are just some things that I don’t need to try to know I don’t want it…
Take smoking for instance… My colleagues in Drik were amazed that I never smoked…I even had to bare my teeth to Syeed to convince him I was a non-smoker… (The teeth thing worked…) Rajib & Syeed kept telling me I should try the taste to know how it felt and perhaps I would like it… I turned them down flat… I said… I don’t need to try… I would never consider picking up the habit… They knew how serious I was about it when they also heard I never drink… (Drinking is illegal for the locals, so they were asking me how I could get used to not having beer around… I told them, the same way I always get around… without beer ever…)
It does hurt to be stereotyped as a goody-two-shoes… I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences and hurts… To be brushed aside as a person who has not seen the “big bad world” just because I’m the youngest in my family or because I’m a Christian… It really isn’t very fair… Out of the five girls staying here, I’m the most conservative… And that makes me feel like an oddball at times… I’m more conservative than a mother of two! But I refuse to compromise in favour of fitting in…
People can resist the world and all the bad things it represents… But I’ll do my own kind of resistance… Resisting the urge to be a rebel like the rest of my generation… I’m a good girl… And I’m not afraid to admit it… =)
